Just wanted to make sure I knew where the lines were being drawn. And what about the VH1 special that showed you getting a career makeover that included liposuction and a face-lift? Or the episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy that you appeared in? Or the reality-show pilot you developed for A&E last year? Those were cool but Tommy’s shows weren’t? Riiiiight. Vince Neil: So let me get this straight, Vince - you have a problem with Tommy’s reality shows, yet you were on the first season of The Surreal Life in 2002, the one that led to your most recent wedding ceremony being officiated by costar/ housemate/ordained minister MC Hammer. A few negatives can be mentioned, though: (1) his entire image, created specifically to break into the Los Angeles hard-rock scene in the ’80s, was stolen from Alice Cooper without due recognition or admission (2) he named his kids Les Paul and Stormy and (3) he must have serious psychological issues since he continues to hang out with the rest of these jag-offs. Mars did have a drinking problem for a number of years, but that can almost be excused, as he’s suffered from a degenerative bone condition for the past four decades that necessitated a hip replacement in 2004 and still keeps him on prescription meds for basically all of his waking hours. Unlike the rest of the band, Mars has only been arrested once, way back in 1974, for failure to pay child support, a relative kiss on the cheek compared to his coworkers’ rap sheets. Mick Mars: The oldest member of the band by seven years, Mars looks to also be the wisest member by far, as his resumÁ© is generally spotless in the realm of dickery. His most recent moment of infamy came courtesy of a spontaneous boxing match with Kid Rock at last year’s MTV Video Awards, as the two decided to do battle over their mutual ex-wife for some reason. In 1999 Tommy was arrested after a CrÁ¼e concert on charges of assault and inciting a riot, but he’s been arrested plenty of other times as well. (When we get to Vince Neil, though, you’ll see why that accusation makes him look like a hypocritical piece of shit.) (Who tattoos themselves?) The other three members of MÁ¶tley CrÁ¼e sued Tommy’s personal manager for letting him appear in two reality shows - Tommy Lee Goes to College in ’05, Rockstar: Supernova in ’06 - that supposedly sullied the band’s image.
The romance was short-lived, however, as Tommy gave Pam a beating in February of ’98 that landed him in jail he also apparently gave her hepatitis C from a shared tattoo needle. Tommy Lee: A whirlwind romance and quickie marriage to Pamela Anderson in February of ’95 resulted in what is still the most famous celebrity sex tape of all time, one which left the majority of the male population feeling very inadequate.
So today you get five dicks for the price of one, as I’m covering each of the band members and the infamous a-hole producer of perhaps their biggest albums.
MOTLEY CRUE STOLE HANOI ROCKS SERIES
Needless to say, while the CrÁ¼e are sure to be reveling in tales of their debauchery and their “redemption” from personal addictions, I suspect they’ll gloss over some of the more corruptible behavior that they continue to indulge in even now - the type of stuff for which this series was created. (Christopher Walken as Ozzy Osbourne? If it happens, I am so there.) The new album, Saints of Los Angeles, is supposed to follow the storyline of The Dirt to varying degrees, so fans will get to hear the boys tell their story two more times in the next year or so. We’re not too far away from a new resurgence of MÁ¶tley CrÁ¼e, with both a new album due soon - the first with all four original members in 11 years - and a big-screen version of the band’s “autobiography,” The Dirt, due in 2009.
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